A Lesson In Loneliness
I was completely bored yesterday evening, so I decided that I wanted to go see a movie that I had wanted to see for a couple of weeks now. I called up a few friends and asked if they wanted to go out. Of course they were all busy with other things. That didn't bum me out. It was Monday night and I was calling people last minute. But still I did want to go do something. So I decided to go see a movie by myself.
This was something that I had never done before, most people go to watch a movie with a group or with a date. Right from the start I thought it was odd, but I went anyway. The movie, The Number 23, was pretty good, and I enjoyed watching it. However it was what happened after the movie that really caught my attention.
As the lights turned on, I became suddenly aware that I was indeed, alone. The thought of being by myself, in a place where people usually come in groups began to bother me. I am not one to worry to much about what other people think of me, but I began to wonder just what they were thinking, about me, the lone guy sitting there. I had this overwhelming urge to get out of there as fast as I could, lest people begin to notice that I wasn't with anyone. All throughout the movie it never crossed my mind that I was alone, but now, after, in the light, I felt lonely, isolated, vulnerable. It was frightening.
I don't know why it was that way, but I couldn't help that feeling of being alone. I hated it. It really is getting me thinking if I could handle it. Frankly I don't know if I can.
This was something that I had never done before, most people go to watch a movie with a group or with a date. Right from the start I thought it was odd, but I went anyway. The movie, The Number 23, was pretty good, and I enjoyed watching it. However it was what happened after the movie that really caught my attention.
As the lights turned on, I became suddenly aware that I was indeed, alone. The thought of being by myself, in a place where people usually come in groups began to bother me. I am not one to worry to much about what other people think of me, but I began to wonder just what they were thinking, about me, the lone guy sitting there. I had this overwhelming urge to get out of there as fast as I could, lest people begin to notice that I wasn't with anyone. All throughout the movie it never crossed my mind that I was alone, but now, after, in the light, I felt lonely, isolated, vulnerable. It was frightening.
I don't know why it was that way, but I couldn't help that feeling of being alone. I hated it. It really is getting me thinking if I could handle it. Frankly I don't know if I can.
posted by The Cube at 8:20 PM
2 Comments:
I hate being alone too. This last week my kids & I were sick. I didn't see anyone other than my family all week. I thought I was going to go insane!
I'm definitely more extroverted, in the sense that I need to be around people to recharge, to feel energized. Being alone makes me feel drained.
And what I mean by alone is, not having meaningful connections with people on my level (not my kids!). Like today, we all went to the pool. I didn't want to swim so I just sat in the bleachers. After awhile I thought I was going mad, everything was enraging me for what seemed to be no reason. Then I realized that I was feeling down because I wasn't connecting with anyone - my family & friends were all in the pool & I was sitting alone. It sucked!
Getting the urge to go out & do something with friends, but then no one being available last minute was something I could certainly relate to as well. Such is my personality to 1. decide out of the blue to do something because I suddenly realize I feel like it & 2. try to make last minute plans. Sometimes this works if the people are of a similar personality & function well with spontaneous plans. Sometimes it backfires because some of my friends like to have plans beforehand. Sometimes it can be such a gamble though.
Well, that's my side of it. Loneliness is definitely a universal dilema.
Alis
This is so interesting. In the dark, void of notice, you were fine. In the light, you become anxious. Your feeings make perfect sense--when we are put on display is when we often feel vulnerable, etc., but I also think it is during these times ("in the light," "among others") when we get opportunties to really own who we are.
When I was younger, I used to feel that one of the scariest things would be to go to a restarant and eat alone. Now, after having kids, I crave that alone time, and going somewhere by myself is a real treat. I have never been to a movie alone, and I have thought in the recent years that I would like to do so to see if it feels different.
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