Fatherly Advice
I spent the day with my father today. Every one else was out at home, so why not, besides dad and I haven't spent much time together in a while. It was a pretty good afternoon, we worked on his car for a bit, had a couple of beers, typical guy stuff.
There was only one thing that bothered me. The strange thing is that it is something that shouldn't bother me. After we had finished up with the car, we were sitting around the garage and talking. I guess dad figured out that lately I haven't been doing so well, emotionally speaking. I have been in a depressed mood, and although I try to hide it, it probably isn't too hard to tell. At any rate dad figured it was prudent to give some advice about how to better my lot. It's what fathers do, right? I won't go in to the detail of what he advised, it was pretty typical stuff. That wasn't the problem. What was is my reaction to said advice. Frankly, I was angry. Not that I let it show, i never said a thing, but just let dad go on, and me saying "yes", "I know" "I will dad", etc, etc.... But still in side I was fuming.
I really don't know why. I think it was just that everything dad was saying was things I have already heard before, things that I have already tried. I mean dad had nothing but the best intentions, he was doing his best, and really his advice is sound. It's just that even though I am trying to put it in practice, and lately things haven't be going according to plan. So really I wasn't angry at my dad but rather at my self for not succeeding. Still I feel bad. My dad was giving me his best, and I scorned it. That is what is wrong with me, not taking important things at face value. I'll take my dad's advice, give it a shot, he means the best, and it is the least I can do.
There was only one thing that bothered me. The strange thing is that it is something that shouldn't bother me. After we had finished up with the car, we were sitting around the garage and talking. I guess dad figured out that lately I haven't been doing so well, emotionally speaking. I have been in a depressed mood, and although I try to hide it, it probably isn't too hard to tell. At any rate dad figured it was prudent to give some advice about how to better my lot. It's what fathers do, right? I won't go in to the detail of what he advised, it was pretty typical stuff. That wasn't the problem. What was is my reaction to said advice. Frankly, I was angry. Not that I let it show, i never said a thing, but just let dad go on, and me saying "yes", "I know" "I will dad", etc, etc.... But still in side I was fuming.
I really don't know why. I think it was just that everything dad was saying was things I have already heard before, things that I have already tried. I mean dad had nothing but the best intentions, he was doing his best, and really his advice is sound. It's just that even though I am trying to put it in practice, and lately things haven't be going according to plan. So really I wasn't angry at my dad but rather at my self for not succeeding. Still I feel bad. My dad was giving me his best, and I scorned it. That is what is wrong with me, not taking important things at face value. I'll take my dad's advice, give it a shot, he means the best, and it is the least I can do.
posted by The Cube at 6:44 PM
2 Comments:
I feel you. My sister does the same thing. And my friends. I know they mean well but it still doesn't...feel good to me. It irks me that they can just freely give the advice without thinking that I've already tried it or whatnot. I hope it(whatever it happens to be) gets better and such. Too bad the weekends gone. :o)
Once my father gave me a "depression kit" that he made up of a bunch of articles about starving children in Africa & sick & dying children in the hospital. The main messages I got from that were:
a) He thought I shouldn't be depressed so much considering what a "wonderful" life I was living. Right.
b) He thought that reading about other people's troubles would somehow miraculously take my depression away.
c) He wasn't able to accept me when I got depressed & so therefore would try to change me.
In hindsight, I know his actions were not intended to harm. I do think he totally didn't understand me or my depression & in some roundabout way was trying to find a way to help his own depression (that he has been in denial about).
I think I finally threw the kit away. Everytime I'd see it it would just irk me. I would hear the words "Never Good Enough" start to echo in my head.
So basically, I feel like your dad had good intentions in giving you advice. However, you're a grown man (I think, not sure how old you are) & I think a more respectful thing would have been if your dad had asked you if you would like to hear his advice first. That sounds like a healthier way of doing it to me. This would have sent you the message that your dad respects you as an adult & that he knows that you are no longer a child that *needs* guidance.
Just my take on it.
Alis
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