HELP!!!!!!!
If you are out there, please help. I really need some advice, I'm not sure what to do. I went to the mail box today, most of it was bills, and other junk, but it was the one on the bottom that is bothering me. A wedding invitation, and not just any one either, it was an invitation to K's wedding.
I've spoke about K before, but I'll sum up the whole thing so you can see where I'm coming from. I met K a few years ago, and we hit it off almost right away. I thought that she was the one, I was ready to ask her to marry me. But then all that changed. For no apparent reason she got distant, cold. When I finally confronted her about it, I found out that she was just stringing me along. She was seeing another guy on the side. But what hurt me the most was that she said she felt nothing for me, she only viewed me as a friend, this despite all that we shared. She ripped my heart out, and all I did was smile and say bye. I'll forever kick myself for not telling her how I felt.
Well now she is getting married to "Adrien". I've known him for a long time, and frankly I don't like him. He is an arrogant ass, and everyone knows it, yet his sister is very popular and he feeds off her friends. I knew about their engagement for a while now, but I really haven't gave it much thought. Thinking about K just brings back too many hurtful memories. I never thought that I would get an invitation to her wedding.
At first I thought it must be a mistake, or a sick joke. However, and this is where it gets confusing, I was invited not by K, but by her sister, Mel. I've mentioned Mel before as well. Her and I became really, really close friends when K and I were dating. In fact I would call her my best friend. There is also the little issue of chemistry between us. I know that she likes me, but I still can't wrap my head around the idea of us. I get a little nervous about starting something because I am terrified of the idea of what would happen if it wouldn't work out. We haven't formerly talked about it yet, though I am sure it is going to come out now.
Well i called her the other day to find out about this invite, and she told me that she was the one who invited me. Mel knows the whole deal about me and K, she knows what happened probably better that both of us because she heard both sides. When I mentioned that going may be a little awkward for me, she looked deep into my eyes and said "don't go for her, go for me."
So you can see my problem. Going to this wedding will drag up some horrible feelings for me. However not going may mess up my friendship with Mel. It may send a message I don't want to send. It is a question with out any solid answers. So please, please, if you have any advise on this, I need to hear it. I have to figure this out.
I've spoke about K before, but I'll sum up the whole thing so you can see where I'm coming from. I met K a few years ago, and we hit it off almost right away. I thought that she was the one, I was ready to ask her to marry me. But then all that changed. For no apparent reason she got distant, cold. When I finally confronted her about it, I found out that she was just stringing me along. She was seeing another guy on the side. But what hurt me the most was that she said she felt nothing for me, she only viewed me as a friend, this despite all that we shared. She ripped my heart out, and all I did was smile and say bye. I'll forever kick myself for not telling her how I felt.
Well now she is getting married to "Adrien". I've known him for a long time, and frankly I don't like him. He is an arrogant ass, and everyone knows it, yet his sister is very popular and he feeds off her friends. I knew about their engagement for a while now, but I really haven't gave it much thought. Thinking about K just brings back too many hurtful memories. I never thought that I would get an invitation to her wedding.
At first I thought it must be a mistake, or a sick joke. However, and this is where it gets confusing, I was invited not by K, but by her sister, Mel. I've mentioned Mel before as well. Her and I became really, really close friends when K and I were dating. In fact I would call her my best friend. There is also the little issue of chemistry between us. I know that she likes me, but I still can't wrap my head around the idea of us. I get a little nervous about starting something because I am terrified of the idea of what would happen if it wouldn't work out. We haven't formerly talked about it yet, though I am sure it is going to come out now.
Well i called her the other day to find out about this invite, and she told me that she was the one who invited me. Mel knows the whole deal about me and K, she knows what happened probably better that both of us because she heard both sides. When I mentioned that going may be a little awkward for me, she looked deep into my eyes and said "don't go for her, go for me."
So you can see my problem. Going to this wedding will drag up some horrible feelings for me. However not going may mess up my friendship with Mel. It may send a message I don't want to send. It is a question with out any solid answers. So please, please, if you have any advise on this, I need to hear it. I have to figure this out.
posted by The Cube at 5:56 PM
4 Comments:
This comment will be titled "Thoughts from the top of my head." :)
I don't think you should go to the wedding. I can't imagine that there is anything in you that WANTS to be there, and really, the invites should come from the couple, not their relatives. It is "their day" and such. You could tell Mel that, if it makes it any easier. I think that it is very likely that Mel is asking you to go "for her," so that she could help propel any kind of closure she thinks you might need, with the hopes that you would be more emotionally avaliable for her. Of course, I have NO IDEA, but it is a possiblity. If yall are best friends, then there is no telling the amount of stuff that she tells herself to try to understand why you are not interested in her romantically--chances are, she likes to believe it has something to do with her sister (as opposed to her), and in her mind (even unconsciously), she could feel that your going to this wedding could help. If your decision to not go to the wedding propels a discussion with Mel about the your future relationship with her, then I think that needs to happen anyway, although I don't envy your having to do so as I know that won't be easy.
I can't see any benefit to going--for you, for the couple, for mel-- and if Mel is really your best friend, she will understand why you can't go.
Ok, so I wrote a reply to this the other day & then the blogger site crapped out on me & wouldn't post it.
I just wanted to let you know that I did leave a response & that I will get back to it again as soon as I can. Right now my kids are climbing all over me!
Be back later!
Alis
Alrighty. I'm back.
Basically, I said I would lean more towards suggesting you go. (Just because I think you should go for it with the relationship.) And actually, it seems as if you need to make a decision about whether or not you want to have a relationship with her. Because, as you said, whether you go or not will send a message.
I would suggest that you ask her plainly why she wants you to go. Then if she tells you, you can decide whether or not it is something you are willing & able to do.
Another thought is that if you decide to have a relationship with her you would most likely have to see her sister anyways. And if things get serious down the road & you get married, her sister would most likely be there & probably as part of the wedding party.
I could go on, however, I don't think I should start making guesses until you decide what you want. If you do want to go into this relationship with her I would suggest that you go. For lots of reasons. Ask if you want more on that.
If you don't, well, don't go. And be prepared to explain clearly that you are not looking to have a relationship with her.
HTH!
Alis
One more thing, you mentioned that your reason for hesitating to get into a relationship with Mel was the fear of it not working out. Might I say that that is not a reason to hold back in a relationship. If everyone did that the human race would die out. Fear is never a good reason to hold back love. So if that is all that is holding you back I'd suggest letting go of it.
At the end of your life do you want to say that you played it safe & didn't let yourself get hurt or that you had had the opportunity to experience the fulfillment & beauty of loving someone with all that you had??
There is a song called Alive that speaks to this.
http://www.myspace.com/beckiryan
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