Back Again
I just finnished typeing this and then it is gone. So I have to write this all over again.
I picked up my family this weekend from the airport. They had a great time in Europe, and to be honest I had a pretty good time here, at least from the point of what I learned. But more on that later. I actualy was glad that they were back, I really did miss having them around. What was really nice though was to hear that they missed me too, and wished that I could have come. Although I seriously think I would never go with that many people. Anyways, When they said that it seams that they really did mean it, I know this from the stuff they brought back. Usualy, when people bring back souveneres, it is a last second, thought. Nine times out of ten it some cheap Eiffel Tower key chain at a cost of 3 for a euro (I know cause I was there) or some ceramic fridge magnet from some town in Italy. But this time they got some rally nice things. They brought me back a ton of clothes, which is nice because europe is about a year ahead of us fashion wise. Oh and of course they got me a beautiful set of blown glass cufflinks from Venezia.
But this isn't about what I got, well it is not supposed to be, it is about what I learned. I learned that I can do it on my own. I'll be honest there are things that I don't nessesarily relish about it but I was able to handle it. The worse part was the lonelyness.
I have tried and tried to kick start my social life, but I am begining to wonder if I am just beating a dead horse. It seams that no matter what I do, no one wants me around, or they just patronize me. It's like picking a fight with a wall, you can give it your best shot, hit it as hard as you can, but you'll just end up hurting yourself. I don't know if it is because they are all such snobs that I will never fit in, or if I am such a bad person that I am undesirable (which may be closer to the truth). That got me thinking, I need a fresh start. I need to go somewhere where I can start all over again, somewhere where people don't know who I am, where they don't know my past, where I can become someone I want to be, instead of the man I am now. I am thinking Europe may be the place. I would fit in there. I have always loved it. I speak Italian and a little French. I have some family there. It would be familure yet new and different. And the last 3 weeks showed me that I may be able to go. I don't think I am ready yet, but I am taking steps. Besides I may just need to jump in and go for it. Take a drastic leap, it may be what I need to get my life back.
I picked up my family this weekend from the airport. They had a great time in Europe, and to be honest I had a pretty good time here, at least from the point of what I learned. But more on that later. I actualy was glad that they were back, I really did miss having them around. What was really nice though was to hear that they missed me too, and wished that I could have come. Although I seriously think I would never go with that many people. Anyways, When they said that it seams that they really did mean it, I know this from the stuff they brought back. Usualy, when people bring back souveneres, it is a last second, thought. Nine times out of ten it some cheap Eiffel Tower key chain at a cost of 3 for a euro (I know cause I was there) or some ceramic fridge magnet from some town in Italy. But this time they got some rally nice things. They brought me back a ton of clothes, which is nice because europe is about a year ahead of us fashion wise. Oh and of course they got me a beautiful set of blown glass cufflinks from Venezia.
But this isn't about what I got, well it is not supposed to be, it is about what I learned. I learned that I can do it on my own. I'll be honest there are things that I don't nessesarily relish about it but I was able to handle it. The worse part was the lonelyness.
I have tried and tried to kick start my social life, but I am begining to wonder if I am just beating a dead horse. It seams that no matter what I do, no one wants me around, or they just patronize me. It's like picking a fight with a wall, you can give it your best shot, hit it as hard as you can, but you'll just end up hurting yourself. I don't know if it is because they are all such snobs that I will never fit in, or if I am such a bad person that I am undesirable (which may be closer to the truth). That got me thinking, I need a fresh start. I need to go somewhere where I can start all over again, somewhere where people don't know who I am, where they don't know my past, where I can become someone I want to be, instead of the man I am now. I am thinking Europe may be the place. I would fit in there. I have always loved it. I speak Italian and a little French. I have some family there. It would be familure yet new and different. And the last 3 weeks showed me that I may be able to go. I don't think I am ready yet, but I am taking steps. Besides I may just need to jump in and go for it. Take a drastic leap, it may be what I need to get my life back.
posted by The Cube at 5:14 AM
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