Last chance to lose your keys

Leave it up to emo to sum up what I feel. I’ve been listening to Brand New a lot lately and this song, Last chance to lose your keys (Full Lyrics Here), really hit a note with me. It dredges up a lot of suppressed emotions inside. I’ll be honest; I’ve been burned a lot over the years. Every time I try to get close to a girl to start a relationship it back fires on me.

Either I get played by someone who feigns interest in me. That happens a lot, I was raised to be a gentleman, you know the type, I hold doors, stand when a lady walks in the room, and always pay. Really I don’t mind paying, I like being generous, I have always thought that if I have something that I could share with others I should gladly do it. What good is money if you never spend it? Besides it should be used to bring joy not just to yourself but others. Excuse me for going off on a tangent there. A few times I have been interested in someone, and at the time they seem interested in me. But when we do go out, it is just a one way street, with me the one who calls and arrange things, and me picking up the tab. As it turns out she has no interest in me except for a free ride, something to do when there is nothing to do. As soon as someone better comes along, I get dropped.

Then of course are the cheaters and you know how I feel about them. I will never understand what would possess someone who at one point liked you, to go behind your back and go with someone else. If things aren’t working out between us, why don’t you have the common curtacy to talk to me? You don’t think I would understand? All I want is for people to be happy, and if I am not causing that in a relationship, then I’ll back down.

Anyways, the point is I have been through all that. It hurts, it will always hurt. I have lost a lot of my trust in girls. Even though I am still trying to find the one, I always go in thinking when is she going to rip my heart out. Sometimes I wonder if I would be better off home alone. That thought sickens me. I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want to keep getting hurt, I don’t want to feel like it is a better option. Believe me I know. Lately I’ve been home alone on Saturday nights, and I hate it. The loneliness is crippling just as much as the broken hearts. I don’t think it is too much to ask to find someone who will treat me as good as I treat her. I would give anything to change what is for something that could be. I just hope those lonely nights at home don’t become the norm, or the better way.