Creep
I've always liked this song from Radiohead. Lately I've been listining to it a lot more. I know that it is mainly feelings about a girl, and I feel the same way, however it seams like the last little bit, it's meaning has expanded to include a lot more people.
I've never had many friends, just a few close ones, but I always try to be friendly, I want to be friends with a lot more people. The last few months I've been hanging out with some new people. I met them through someone else, and to be fair, everytime I've hung out with them is because that someone else invited me. The point is that I would like to be friends with the new group, it just seams that I don't belong. And the song Creep (Full Lyrics Here) discribes what I am feeling.
I can tell that they are good people. I can see that they treat eachother well, they have lots of fun, and they are living a wholesome life. These are people I want to be with, ones that could help me become a better person. But I'm not. I am not a good person, I am a sinner. I am vile. If people knew of the things I did in the past, they would run the other way. And yet dispite all that, well more acuratly, because I hide all that, I occasionaly hang out with them.
But every time I am with them, these thoughts run through my head that I don't belong there.
Of course it doesn't help out that I have not been fully accepted by them. I am still just a fringe assosiate, and that hurts. Like I said, the only time I do hang out with them, it's because someone that I know who has broken into their group, invites me along. Even when I am there I am almost ignored. Like the time they planed a trip to NB in frount of me. Not to say I expected to go, but at least do it when I'm not around. But I digress. It almost seams liket hey don't want me around, they just tolarate my presence. That gets me angry. Who are they that they can treat others this way? What makes them so fucking special? They aren't perfect.
That's the worse part. Dispite this treatment, dispite their almost running away from me, I still want to be there, I want to be their friends. It's not because I like the abuse. Rather it is because I want to change. I want to distance myself from my past. I want that "perfect soul", to be clean. And yes I want to be acknoledged. I want to be loved, just like everyone else. I want others to notice when I'm not around, I want them to include me, I want to belong. I don't think that is too much to ask for. Maybe for a creep like me it is.
I've never had many friends, just a few close ones, but I always try to be friendly, I want to be friends with a lot more people. The last few months I've been hanging out with some new people. I met them through someone else, and to be fair, everytime I've hung out with them is because that someone else invited me. The point is that I would like to be friends with the new group, it just seams that I don't belong. And the song Creep (Full Lyrics Here) discribes what I am feeling.
I can tell that they are good people. I can see that they treat eachother well, they have lots of fun, and they are living a wholesome life. These are people I want to be with, ones that could help me become a better person. But I'm not. I am not a good person, I am a sinner. I am vile. If people knew of the things I did in the past, they would run the other way. And yet dispite all that, well more acuratly, because I hide all that, I occasionaly hang out with them.
But every time I am with them, these thoughts run through my head that I don't belong there.
Of course it doesn't help out that I have not been fully accepted by them. I am still just a fringe assosiate, and that hurts. Like I said, the only time I do hang out with them, it's because someone that I know who has broken into their group, invites me along. Even when I am there I am almost ignored. Like the time they planed a trip to NB in frount of me. Not to say I expected to go, but at least do it when I'm not around. But I digress. It almost seams liket hey don't want me around, they just tolarate my presence. That gets me angry. Who are they that they can treat others this way? What makes them so fucking special? They aren't perfect.
That's the worse part. Dispite this treatment, dispite their almost running away from me, I still want to be there, I want to be their friends. It's not because I like the abuse. Rather it is because I want to change. I want to distance myself from my past. I want that "perfect soul", to be clean. And yes I want to be acknoledged. I want to be loved, just like everyone else. I want others to notice when I'm not around, I want them to include me, I want to belong. I don't think that is too much to ask for. Maybe for a creep like me it is.
posted by The Cube at 7:29 AM
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