Places I Have Come To Fear

I used to love going up to the forks, and sitting by the old bridge. Basicaly it is an old rail bridge over the river, but it hasn't been used for years. It is a nice place, but hard to get to unless you know it. I found it one day when I was out for a drive. The road passes at the base of this ridge, and at the top there is a gap where the river (well really a creek that runs into the Credit) flows through. If you look carefully you can see the old bridge. There is a dirt road that goes almost to the top. If you park your car it is about a 5 minute walk to the tracks, and the bridge. The train hasn't been there for years, I guess the line isn;t used anymore. Anyways it has a great view over the surounding countryside. Absoulutly beautiful. I used to go there all the time to think, when I wanted some alone time. Now, I get this eerie sence of dread whenever I get near it. I used to love it, now, well, I can;t go there anymore, all the beauty, all the peace, everything that I loved about it is coloured over by the bad that it now has come to represent.

When I begain to think about where my life was leading me, I went there. It was on that bridge that I made my choice. It was on that bridge that I decided to change. It was on that bridge that I knew that Heather and me needed to go our seperate ways in order for the both of us to have a better chance. She was the last, and strogest tie to my former life. I was holding her back. I guess from the begining we were doomed to never work out, but we gave it our best shot. They were the 4 most happiest years I have ever known. But I knew it would come to an end, and I made that choice on that bridge. Although perhaps I am better of in a way, the old life would have probebly killed me. The one thing I regret, will always regret is loseing Heather. My life has never been the same since that day, it has lost it's colour. I live in a sepia world.

I still kept going there, because it was the only place I knew that no body else did. But the peace of mind I used to get was gone. AfterI just went for the beauty. I took K there one day, night to be exact. There was a meteor shower, and we thought, I thought it would be romantic to go up there at night, cuddle under the stars and watch nature in all it's glory. It was an amazing night. I thought the love between us was in full bloom that night. I had made up my mind that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her that night, though I didn't tell her then. The next day I found out the truth of how she felt about me. That next day our relationship ended. I have been messed up ever since.

A place that represented so much, now represents only failure to me. It has been my Waterloo. I can't go there anymore. Maybe one day it will pass, and I can go back. But sometimes you never can. I hope that one day it will mean something other than failure.