Purposes And Lost Causes
This is in answer to a question that was asked, What do I think is my purpose? The answer does not come readily. My explanation may not even make sense without me divulging some more information about myself. I'll have to go farther back into my past to explain.
When I was only a few months old, my father passed away from cancer. He was diagnosed while my mother was pregnant, and was given only a few months to live. At least he lived long enough to see me being born, which I can only imagine would be in his eyes his final blessing. Since I was so young, however, I never got the opportunity to know him. A few years later, my mom remarried. Even though he is my stepfather, he is my dad, he's the only one I've known, and he has always treated me as his son. However, in memory of my birth father, I kept his last name.
That is where I first got the idea of what my purpose might be. Ever since I was young, I always believed that my purpose in life was to carry on my father's name. I thought that I would get married, have a family of my own, and so continue my father's legacy.
But as time went by, and I began to think of things more philosophically, I began to wonder if there was more. I started to think that maybe all the hardships I was facing was in preparation of something. That it was training me to be strong, to endure. Of what I was never sure, I just thought that someday, somewhere, something would happen and it would be up to me to help resolve whatever issue arose. I know now that this daydreaming, this desire was nothing more than that, a dream, a wish to be a hero, to be noticed for the qualities that i have but that I feel are unseen.
You are right, however, when you say that I say this in the hopes that someone will prove me wrong. That somehow my purpose will reveal itself. It's the hope that keeps me going. Some one once said that hope is a lost cause, and maybe it is, but right now it is all I have. I may never fulfill what I once thought was my purpose, I may never get an opportunity to carry on my father's name, or find my self in the limelight. I need that reality to keep me grounded, to keep me from wasting time, but the hope is that I will be proved wrong, and that there will be something out there.
When I was only a few months old, my father passed away from cancer. He was diagnosed while my mother was pregnant, and was given only a few months to live. At least he lived long enough to see me being born, which I can only imagine would be in his eyes his final blessing. Since I was so young, however, I never got the opportunity to know him. A few years later, my mom remarried. Even though he is my stepfather, he is my dad, he's the only one I've known, and he has always treated me as his son. However, in memory of my birth father, I kept his last name.
That is where I first got the idea of what my purpose might be. Ever since I was young, I always believed that my purpose in life was to carry on my father's name. I thought that I would get married, have a family of my own, and so continue my father's legacy.
But as time went by, and I began to think of things more philosophically, I began to wonder if there was more. I started to think that maybe all the hardships I was facing was in preparation of something. That it was training me to be strong, to endure. Of what I was never sure, I just thought that someday, somewhere, something would happen and it would be up to me to help resolve whatever issue arose. I know now that this daydreaming, this desire was nothing more than that, a dream, a wish to be a hero, to be noticed for the qualities that i have but that I feel are unseen.
You are right, however, when you say that I say this in the hopes that someone will prove me wrong. That somehow my purpose will reveal itself. It's the hope that keeps me going. Some one once said that hope is a lost cause, and maybe it is, but right now it is all I have. I may never fulfill what I once thought was my purpose, I may never get an opportunity to carry on my father's name, or find my self in the limelight. I need that reality to keep me grounded, to keep me from wasting time, but the hope is that I will be proved wrong, and that there will be something out there.
posted by The Cube at 8:04 PM
2 Comments:
I once met a man who had been trying to be a hero his whole life & he cried sweet & beautiful tears, cradled in the arms of his father & the rest of us who had gone on the journey with him, when he realized that he had always been a hero, just never let himself believe it.
To me the most beautiful thing is seeing people realize things like this about themselves. You see, my purpose is to empower others to desire freedom. And when a person comes to such a realization about themself I believe they experience an amazing kind of freedom.
I get the feeling that you are holding on to something, afraid that it's a bunch of BS & that you really aren't or never will be a hero. What would it look like if you just let go?
Alis
I DEFINITELY don't think hope is a lost cause. Hope is a gift, and I think we are doing wise by receiving it.
I struggle with what my purpose in life is, too, and I think these struggles align closely with identity issues. For example, when I was a young girl, I had young girl dreams of having "it all"--career, family, everything neatly packaged. Now, I think the reality of that is that we make choices in our adult lives, and perhaps we can have it all eventually--but not all at the same time.
I think life is strength-training most definitely, but I don't think we are meant for only one thing at all. I think we get sidetracked thinking that we have missed "our purpose," when really, we have a multitude of purposes in a multitude of places.
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