A Black Day
August 23, is fast approaching, the day that Joe died. Joe was one of my best friends, no he was more than that, he was my brother. Of all the people I’ve known, of all of the ones I lost through the years, his is the one that hurts the most. Partialy because I share the blame in the cause of his death, but also because of the guilt I feel in that what I am now is what he wanted, and the only reason why I have this all is because he died.
We were in it together right from the start, come hell or high water we were going to stick together. In the beginning all was well. Then that night came. Joe went to go see his brother. To this day I don’t know entirely what went on with them, but whatever happened was enough to change Joe. I was at Heather’s place at the time, really the 2 of us were doing nothing, just watching a movie. Joe came over on his bike (an old Yamaha that we all joked about) He was terribly upset, and he said he wanted to talk. I could tell just by looking at him what he wanted. He wanted out, and he wanted me to go with him. But I wasn’t ready to leave it all yet, besides I was busy with Heather and I didn’t have time to talk. I told him things would look differently in the morning and that we would talk then. He drove off, it was the last time I saw him alive. Later that evening a car ran into his motorcycle on the highway, he lost control and hit a telephone pole which killed him.
If I had only stayed and talked to him, he would never had been on the road that night. For a long time I blaimed myself. I know now it wasn’t my fault, there was a lot of events leading up to it, but the fact remains, I was a part of that chain, perhaps even that last link. When I pieced it all together, I knew I too had to leave, all Joe wanted was a better life for him and for me, it’s sad that he never got a chance.
So now I will do what I do every year on that day. I’ll go to his grave, and pour out a bottle of his favorite scotch, and just sit there and think, praying for forgiveness. It’s not much, but I’ll do this every year until I join him on the other side.
We were in it together right from the start, come hell or high water we were going to stick together. In the beginning all was well. Then that night came. Joe went to go see his brother. To this day I don’t know entirely what went on with them, but whatever happened was enough to change Joe. I was at Heather’s place at the time, really the 2 of us were doing nothing, just watching a movie. Joe came over on his bike (an old Yamaha that we all joked about) He was terribly upset, and he said he wanted to talk. I could tell just by looking at him what he wanted. He wanted out, and he wanted me to go with him. But I wasn’t ready to leave it all yet, besides I was busy with Heather and I didn’t have time to talk. I told him things would look differently in the morning and that we would talk then. He drove off, it was the last time I saw him alive. Later that evening a car ran into his motorcycle on the highway, he lost control and hit a telephone pole which killed him.
If I had only stayed and talked to him, he would never had been on the road that night. For a long time I blaimed myself. I know now it wasn’t my fault, there was a lot of events leading up to it, but the fact remains, I was a part of that chain, perhaps even that last link. When I pieced it all together, I knew I too had to leave, all Joe wanted was a better life for him and for me, it’s sad that he never got a chance.
So now I will do what I do every year on that day. I’ll go to his grave, and pour out a bottle of his favorite scotch, and just sit there and think, praying for forgiveness. It’s not much, but I’ll do this every year until I join him on the other side.
posted by The Cube at 1:29 PM
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