Letters
It has been a long time since I last saw Jen. I talked to her mother the other day and she gave me her adress and phone number, I am staring at it now wondering what to do. Do I call? Send a letter? Or do I just let this go? I desperatly want to talk to her but I don't know if I can or even what to say. It's been a long time and a lot of pain, probebly on both sides, that it makes this strange.
You see, Jen and I were the best friends. I was probebly about 5 when we first met and we've been friends ever since. A pretty remarkable feat seeing that she lived 8 hrs away from me. Her brother had a medical condition and had to come down to T.O. to go to Sick Kids about 4 times a year. Most of the time Jen and her family stayed with us, and that is how we got to know each other. During the times that she went back home, we would write to each other. I would send a letter every week, and she would write back every week. As we got older we began to share deeper and deeper things together. In addition to our weekly letters, we would call each other, and e-mail even deepened our bond.
Now I'll say it now, our relationship was purely platonic. I never had any romantic feelings for her and I am positive that she never had them for me. We were just very close friends, like borther and sister almost. Of course we did have a pact together that if by the time we are 35 and are not maried we would marry each other, but that is not important. I've never been closer to anyone in my life and I doubt I will again, which is why this is all the more painfull. I told Jen things I have never told anyone else. In fact I told her everything. And she did the same to me. We were there for each other, we shared in the good times and we comforted each other durring the hard times. Like when her brother died, she called to tell me at 11:30 at night. She was having a hard time with it. I got in the car and drove all night to get to her place. I was always protective of her, and it was a shame that I lived so far away that I couldn't protect her all the time. Jen was also the reason that I got out of the life I was in. She never approved of it, but was always supportive. And when the time came that I decided that I needed to change she helped me in ways I never thought posible.
A couple years ago I noticed a small change in Jen. She wasn't herself. I have always knew she had poor taste in men, they would always be jerks, or deadbeats, or users. Jen always knew they were bad for her, but I guess she liked the adventure, and besides they weould never last long, I was always there to help her, and she was always the good girl, her sweet demener would never change. But she started dating this one guy, "G" and that started to change, He was just like all the other guys and so I thought this relationship would also end soon. But it didn't, they stayed together. "G" never liked me or any of Jen's friends and family, which made it strange that Jen and him stayed together because Jen was always very loyal to us. She started to become depressed, and well sad. I tried talking to her but it didn't do any good. She just said that "G" was a good guy deep down and we just haven't seen it yet.
Well the shock came when Jen told us all that "G" and her went to city hall and got married, and that they were moving to Calgary. Nobody knew about this, they just eloped, which is compleatly out of charector for Jen, she always wanted the big wedding, hell she had been planing it since she was 6 years old. The night before they left I got a chance to talk to Jen alone, up till then "G" was always around. We went out for dinner and went for a walk on the boardwalk after. I asked her why she was doing this. All she said was that it was something she had to do, and asked me to please understand. Understand what, I am still trying to figure out.
That was the last time I heard from Jen, directly at least. They changed phone numbers and addresses a couple of weeks after they moved and I never got her new ones. She didn't even respond to her e-mail. I knew that she was ok because she still talked to her mother. It was through her that I found out that she had gotten pregnant, and had a little boy. Eventualy "G" and her seperated but it was an on again off again relationship. The other day her mother called me and said that she was talking to Jen and that Jen said she wanted to talk to me, and so she gave me her address and number.
And now I am at this dilema. I was hurt that Jen left without saying anything, that she moved away and cast me off. That stung, and I am still a little angry, but I am sure there had to be a reason for it. I still care about her andI want to help. But will she want help? Will she still want the friendship we had before or has that died away? I know I have to call her. This is a person that has had a huge impact in my life. I just need to think about what to say.
You see, Jen and I were the best friends. I was probebly about 5 when we first met and we've been friends ever since. A pretty remarkable feat seeing that she lived 8 hrs away from me. Her brother had a medical condition and had to come down to T.O. to go to Sick Kids about 4 times a year. Most of the time Jen and her family stayed with us, and that is how we got to know each other. During the times that she went back home, we would write to each other. I would send a letter every week, and she would write back every week. As we got older we began to share deeper and deeper things together. In addition to our weekly letters, we would call each other, and e-mail even deepened our bond.
Now I'll say it now, our relationship was purely platonic. I never had any romantic feelings for her and I am positive that she never had them for me. We were just very close friends, like borther and sister almost. Of course we did have a pact together that if by the time we are 35 and are not maried we would marry each other, but that is not important. I've never been closer to anyone in my life and I doubt I will again, which is why this is all the more painfull. I told Jen things I have never told anyone else. In fact I told her everything. And she did the same to me. We were there for each other, we shared in the good times and we comforted each other durring the hard times. Like when her brother died, she called to tell me at 11:30 at night. She was having a hard time with it. I got in the car and drove all night to get to her place. I was always protective of her, and it was a shame that I lived so far away that I couldn't protect her all the time. Jen was also the reason that I got out of the life I was in. She never approved of it, but was always supportive. And when the time came that I decided that I needed to change she helped me in ways I never thought posible.
A couple years ago I noticed a small change in Jen. She wasn't herself. I have always knew she had poor taste in men, they would always be jerks, or deadbeats, or users. Jen always knew they were bad for her, but I guess she liked the adventure, and besides they weould never last long, I was always there to help her, and she was always the good girl, her sweet demener would never change. But she started dating this one guy, "G" and that started to change, He was just like all the other guys and so I thought this relationship would also end soon. But it didn't, they stayed together. "G" never liked me or any of Jen's friends and family, which made it strange that Jen and him stayed together because Jen was always very loyal to us. She started to become depressed, and well sad. I tried talking to her but it didn't do any good. She just said that "G" was a good guy deep down and we just haven't seen it yet.
Well the shock came when Jen told us all that "G" and her went to city hall and got married, and that they were moving to Calgary. Nobody knew about this, they just eloped, which is compleatly out of charector for Jen, she always wanted the big wedding, hell she had been planing it since she was 6 years old. The night before they left I got a chance to talk to Jen alone, up till then "G" was always around. We went out for dinner and went for a walk on the boardwalk after. I asked her why she was doing this. All she said was that it was something she had to do, and asked me to please understand. Understand what, I am still trying to figure out.
That was the last time I heard from Jen, directly at least. They changed phone numbers and addresses a couple of weeks after they moved and I never got her new ones. She didn't even respond to her e-mail. I knew that she was ok because she still talked to her mother. It was through her that I found out that she had gotten pregnant, and had a little boy. Eventualy "G" and her seperated but it was an on again off again relationship. The other day her mother called me and said that she was talking to Jen and that Jen said she wanted to talk to me, and so she gave me her address and number.
And now I am at this dilema. I was hurt that Jen left without saying anything, that she moved away and cast me off. That stung, and I am still a little angry, but I am sure there had to be a reason for it. I still care about her andI want to help. But will she want help? Will she still want the friendship we had before or has that died away? I know I have to call her. This is a person that has had a huge impact in my life. I just need to think about what to say.
posted by The Cube at 7:36 PM
3 Comments:
Gosh, I don't even know half what to say about this! So sad! Though it totally could have been me... People make choices that don't always make sense. I know I certainly have in the name of "love."
I can so see your dilema at wanting badly what once was & yet knowing somehow that it cannot be just the same again, though you know you must try & will more than likely be hurt along the way again. I sense that you're that kind of person.
I wish you eyes to see the real issues & a heart full of love for this person that obviously is in desparate need of it. And may she see the same as well & be willing to do what it takes to get what she truly wants.
There is a group of people that I have associated with that have helped change my life. I met them in Oregon & their group has grown so that now they also meet in Calgary. If you feel it might help, they meet under the name "Foundations for Tomorrow." Their website is http://foundationsfortomorrow.org.
Sincerely,
Alis
I understand your hesitation, but old friends have a way of picking up right were they left off even after many years. I am sure you both will have so much to tell each other that the hardest part will be just picking up the phone or starting the letter. I hope you take the plunge and call, I am sure she will be very happy just to hear your voice after all this time.
Thanks, I know what I have to do. It just makes me sad when someone else starts falling down my dark path, especialy someone who I care about. Maybe by helping, I can start digging myself out too.
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