Clocks
No this isn't about the song, even though I do like it a lot.
I have always suffered with insomnia of sorts. I am not sure it is a medical condition, but rather a emotional one. I have always been one to over analyze things. Everything that happens in my life I run through my head over and over again, tring, mostly in vain to see where I went wrong. Well at least thats the assumption I have, that I am always messing things up. If it's not that then I am trying to read too much into things. I'll take even the smalest most insignifigant thing and try to find a meaning in it. The problem is that I do all of that thinking at night when I really need to get sleep. Sometimes literal weeks will go by where I may be lucky to get one hour a night.
The last few days have been like that. But making it worse is the clocks. There is a clock in the hallway, nothing spectacular, but it's there. Now I wouldn't call it a loud clock, actualy the vast majority of the time no one would ever notice it. Last night though it sounded like a jack hammer. It was about 2:30, and I was wide awake, and all I could hear was this loud, TIC, TIC, TIC, TIC, over and over and over. IT was driving me batty. I tried to shut it out of my mind but it was stuck in my head, and now all I could think about was the clock, and what it ment. Time is just passing me by, and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I have done a lot of things so far, but the things I really want, I havent acheived yet, and now I am starting to wonder if I ever will. I know I am still young, but the thought that I will soon be past my prime haunts me. How many more TICs are there left for me?
I have always suffered with insomnia of sorts. I am not sure it is a medical condition, but rather a emotional one. I have always been one to over analyze things. Everything that happens in my life I run through my head over and over again, tring, mostly in vain to see where I went wrong. Well at least thats the assumption I have, that I am always messing things up. If it's not that then I am trying to read too much into things. I'll take even the smalest most insignifigant thing and try to find a meaning in it. The problem is that I do all of that thinking at night when I really need to get sleep. Sometimes literal weeks will go by where I may be lucky to get one hour a night.
The last few days have been like that. But making it worse is the clocks. There is a clock in the hallway, nothing spectacular, but it's there. Now I wouldn't call it a loud clock, actualy the vast majority of the time no one would ever notice it. Last night though it sounded like a jack hammer. It was about 2:30, and I was wide awake, and all I could hear was this loud, TIC, TIC, TIC, TIC, over and over and over. IT was driving me batty. I tried to shut it out of my mind but it was stuck in my head, and now all I could think about was the clock, and what it ment. Time is just passing me by, and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I have done a lot of things so far, but the things I really want, I havent acheived yet, and now I am starting to wonder if I ever will. I know I am still young, but the thought that I will soon be past my prime haunts me. How many more TICs are there left for me?
posted by The Cube at 1:44 PM
1 Comments:
I know the feeling, it can be so frustrating. Thinking and re-thinking the things that you said and the things that were said to you. I think we all do this sometimes, just try not to be too hard on yourself. I think we tend to magnify our actions upon reflection (especially at night:-), I know I do.
Post a Comment
<< Home