Digging up the past
I have finaly figured out what I am doing here, typeing this. I need to record the past. My past. It is not to say that my history is so special or outstanding that everyone needs to hear it. On the contrary, it is rather banal, uninspiering stuff. I seriously doubt that anyone would care about it.
Yet I feel a sence of urgency to write it down. Perhaps it is a way for me to come to grips with what I have done, Maybe it is a way for me to try and forgive myself. A persons past shapes who they are, makes them the man they are in the present, and shows them the path of their future. I don't like who I am, and I don't like where I am going in this life, which is nowhere. I want to be rid of this old me, make a positive change. I have tried so hard in the past to change, and when you hear the whole story you will admit that I have come a long ways. But though I am not the person I was back then, the one I am today is still haunted by that past. It's a stigma that lives with you always.
That is why I have to come clean, to lay it on the line. That is why I chose this medium to say it. I have never really told anyone the whole story of me. Yes there are those that know bits and peices of it, but they are only small glimpses into the big picture. I am ashamed of the whole story, so I kept it away. But we only have one shot in this world, and by keeping the past below the surfuce people only see who I am and not the reasons why am I that. May be their opinions wont change when they know but at least I will have that pressure off me. That is why this site is nice, anyone, absolutly anyone on this planet will be able to see, but probely no one will. At least I made it available.
However I already have started a few times to write about myself, and the past, so I will continue in the same format. It will not be a linear record, rather it will jump from place to place as they come to me, or as something happens to remind me. What ever you think after about me, I don't care, I don't really care about what I think of me. It is just the story of one sad man, and what he did. When it's over maybe I can move on.
Yet I feel a sence of urgency to write it down. Perhaps it is a way for me to come to grips with what I have done, Maybe it is a way for me to try and forgive myself. A persons past shapes who they are, makes them the man they are in the present, and shows them the path of their future. I don't like who I am, and I don't like where I am going in this life, which is nowhere. I want to be rid of this old me, make a positive change. I have tried so hard in the past to change, and when you hear the whole story you will admit that I have come a long ways. But though I am not the person I was back then, the one I am today is still haunted by that past. It's a stigma that lives with you always.
That is why I have to come clean, to lay it on the line. That is why I chose this medium to say it. I have never really told anyone the whole story of me. Yes there are those that know bits and peices of it, but they are only small glimpses into the big picture. I am ashamed of the whole story, so I kept it away. But we only have one shot in this world, and by keeping the past below the surfuce people only see who I am and not the reasons why am I that. May be their opinions wont change when they know but at least I will have that pressure off me. That is why this site is nice, anyone, absolutly anyone on this planet will be able to see, but probely no one will. At least I made it available.
However I already have started a few times to write about myself, and the past, so I will continue in the same format. It will not be a linear record, rather it will jump from place to place as they come to me, or as something happens to remind me. What ever you think after about me, I don't care, I don't really care about what I think of me. It is just the story of one sad man, and what he did. When it's over maybe I can move on.
posted by The Cube at 8:20 AM
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