Smoking
Smoking is quite posibly the most dificult addiction to over come. Actualy scratch that, you never compleatly get over it. I know I struggle still struggle with the cravings at times. It's been almost 2 years since I quit, and I still get them. Some one I know who quit 17 years ago say he still gets them, so it never really goes away.
I remember when I started, it seams so stupid now. Some of my friends in school were smokers and they were always offering me one when we were out. Like a good kid I always refused. But one day I decided that I would try one, just to see what all the fuss was about. Everyone did it, so I figured there was something about it. Looking back, I wish that I had coughed my lungs out smoking that first one. I wished I had choked, or gotten sick to my stomach. If I had I probebly would have never touched a cig again. But I didn't cough, I didn't get sick, it didn't bother me at all. However that didn't mean I liked it. I was kind of indeferent to the whole thing. But that wasn't what started me smoking. Back then I didn't care if I smoked or not. When someone would offer me one, sometimes I would take it other times I wouldn't. I wasn't addicted, I never craved on.
Untill I had a bad day. That is what got me hooked. I remember I was having a really bad day. I was still mad from an argument I had the night before with my parents, I was having trouble with some people at school, I had a couple of school assignments due that I haddn't finnished yet, all in all a bad day. Then someone offered me a cig. I don't know why I took it, maybe it was just for something to do, but I lit up. It was good. You don't get addicted to cigs untill you have a bad day and you feel what they do. Smoking made me feel calmer, it alowed me to think straight, it made me feel better. I think I had 5 or 6 in a row just to get that feeling. I wasn't hooked right away but in time as I had more stress filled days I smoked more. I wasn't a chain smoker, just one or 2 packs a week, and I only smoked with friends, but I was addicted.
This went on for about 4 years. At that point I went through a huge change in my life. I needed to get off the destructive path I was on. It was a logical decision, I knew if I kept doing what I was doing I would either end up in jail, dead, or worse. So I started to break things off. Smoking was one of those things I decided to rid myself of. I always knew of the health risks, and what not, so deciding to quit was easy. One day I said this was the day, smoked one last cig and threw the rest of the pack away.
To say that was my last cig is a lie. A few months after that I was hanging out with a friend and I had a couple with him. But then I stopped for a long time. Untill last week. Like I said the cravings never go away. Especialy durring the bad times. I want one so bad, just so I can feel calm for a few moments. The other day Day was very stessfull, there was a lot going on and I needed to clear my head, so I do what I usualy do, go out for a drive. But as I was driving and thinking, I started to get more worked up over what was going on. I don't know what possesed my, because I wasn't thinking, but I went to a conveniance store, and bought a pack, got back in the car and light up. It wasn't until I was on my 4th that I realized what I was doing. It sickened me. I had made a conscience desision to quit, and here I was smoking. Oh pitiful man that I am, I can't even control my self, my cravings. I threw the pack out. Now is the long climb back up, until the temptation comes again. Give me strength to over come it, for if I can't what can I do?
I remember when I started, it seams so stupid now. Some of my friends in school were smokers and they were always offering me one when we were out. Like a good kid I always refused. But one day I decided that I would try one, just to see what all the fuss was about. Everyone did it, so I figured there was something about it. Looking back, I wish that I had coughed my lungs out smoking that first one. I wished I had choked, or gotten sick to my stomach. If I had I probebly would have never touched a cig again. But I didn't cough, I didn't get sick, it didn't bother me at all. However that didn't mean I liked it. I was kind of indeferent to the whole thing. But that wasn't what started me smoking. Back then I didn't care if I smoked or not. When someone would offer me one, sometimes I would take it other times I wouldn't. I wasn't addicted, I never craved on.
Untill I had a bad day. That is what got me hooked. I remember I was having a really bad day. I was still mad from an argument I had the night before with my parents, I was having trouble with some people at school, I had a couple of school assignments due that I haddn't finnished yet, all in all a bad day. Then someone offered me a cig. I don't know why I took it, maybe it was just for something to do, but I lit up. It was good. You don't get addicted to cigs untill you have a bad day and you feel what they do. Smoking made me feel calmer, it alowed me to think straight, it made me feel better. I think I had 5 or 6 in a row just to get that feeling. I wasn't hooked right away but in time as I had more stress filled days I smoked more. I wasn't a chain smoker, just one or 2 packs a week, and I only smoked with friends, but I was addicted.
This went on for about 4 years. At that point I went through a huge change in my life. I needed to get off the destructive path I was on. It was a logical decision, I knew if I kept doing what I was doing I would either end up in jail, dead, or worse. So I started to break things off. Smoking was one of those things I decided to rid myself of. I always knew of the health risks, and what not, so deciding to quit was easy. One day I said this was the day, smoked one last cig and threw the rest of the pack away.
To say that was my last cig is a lie. A few months after that I was hanging out with a friend and I had a couple with him. But then I stopped for a long time. Untill last week. Like I said the cravings never go away. Especialy durring the bad times. I want one so bad, just so I can feel calm for a few moments. The other day Day was very stessfull, there was a lot going on and I needed to clear my head, so I do what I usualy do, go out for a drive. But as I was driving and thinking, I started to get more worked up over what was going on. I don't know what possesed my, because I wasn't thinking, but I went to a conveniance store, and bought a pack, got back in the car and light up. It wasn't until I was on my 4th that I realized what I was doing. It sickened me. I had made a conscience desision to quit, and here I was smoking. Oh pitiful man that I am, I can't even control my self, my cravings. I threw the pack out. Now is the long climb back up, until the temptation comes again. Give me strength to over come it, for if I can't what can I do?
posted by The Cube at 5:17 AM
1 Comments:
you can do this! i admire your determination :)
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