A Thanks Now And Again Helps

Odd day at work today. We had a small emergency on our hands today, nothing to major, someone just forgot to do something and it needed to be finished today. So we all pitched in, stayed a little later, worked hard, trough our breaks and lunch, and got it finnished. Afterwards, the bosses, who were nowhere to be found when the work needed to be done, came down and thanked all of us for helping.

Now it was nice that they at least acknowledged our hard work. Besides we really saved their butts today. The thing is in all the years I worked there, this was the first time any of them had thanked us for what we did.

It's not that I need to be thanked or rewarded for the work I do, even if it is above and beyond. Really all we did was what we ought to have done. We do the work because it is the right thing to do. Yet it nice to be acknowledged once and a while. And not just for the extraordinary things that we have to do at times. It is the little, everyday things that are important, and they are the ones that need to be acknowledged.

The funny thing is, the bosses wonder why morale is sometimes low at work. All they really care about is their bottom line. I used to have a boss that was the oposite of that. He used to come in with coffee every so often. He'd go up to someone at the end of the day and thank them for their work. He'd come around and talk and joke with us durring the day. I saw him not as my boss, but as my friend, and I would have gone to hell and back for him if he asked me to. It's a pity that more people aren't like him.

Souvenirs

Snow falling all around me, covering the harsh reality of the concrete world below. The soft blanket look of it is all lies. I reach out and touch, cold, cold as the wind that bites me, cold as the air that burns my lungs, cold as my heart is now. I thought that the night will cover me over. I thought that the could will wipe away the scars on my soul. The wounds, though hidden for a moment, are still there, and soon in the harsh light of day they will be seen again. I should have listened to my instincts, I should have ran into the night where nothing but the stars could see me. But it is too late for that. There is no turning back now. The damage has been done. Scars are just souvenirs you never lose.

The Canadian Dream

Yesterday was a big day. Everyone went down to Queen's Quay, they have this really nice outdoor rink set up, and everyone went down in the afternoon to go skating. Afterwards there was dinner at this restaurant I've been dying to go to, I had heard so many good things about it and the food is great. After that everyone headed out to the BierMarket, which is this great bar downtown. All in all it seamed like a great evening. The problem was I didn't get to go because it seams like everyone forgot to invite me.

You know I hate always sounding so down, always complaining about what didn't happen, about why I am missing out. But I have to vent this out otherwise it will just stew and fester inside of me.

I honestly don't know why I put up with this. These people are supposed to be my friends, and yet I always seam to get left out. The only times I get included is when I initiate things. This is not how I pictured things. I dream of better, yet the reality is a mess.

Fortunately yesterday did at least have a pseudo happy ending. When I found out that everyone went out for the day, I decided to go to this pond down by the house. It has some nice thick ice and we play hockey on it once and a while. I took my skates and was just skating around, when some people came. At first it was just a bunch of kids wanting to practice, but then some other people came by and we organized a little game of shinny (pond hockey for those of you who don't know). It was the most fun I had in a long time. Strange how you can find more happiness with complete strangers in a game of hockey than you can at times with people who are supposed to be your friends.

Some Helpful Advice

When you look at a bottle of baby shampoo and see that it is labeled "tear free", do not take this as a challenge and pour a dollop of the stuff directly on to your eye!

It really, really hurts.

Trust me on this one.

Guilty Pleasures

I always have this pretty set ideas of my tastes, likes and dislikes. For instance, I prefer to read historical fiction novels, other fiction just doesn't interest me. I like dry red wines, I won't even try a wine that is sweet. And I definitely make it known that I do not like today's so called "Pop Culture"!

I can't stand pop or r&b music. Peoples fixation on getting the latest fads and fashions just seam weird. I never text people on my cell, hell, I rarely use my cell unless it is to call someone to meet up, and then I am only talking for a minute, I would much rather talk to people face to face. and so on and so forth.

However, despite all this I do have this small little diversion from my rejection of all things pop. I like watching The Hills. Actually I like most of the shows on MTV. I know, that is so completely in with the things I say I don't like. Yet I really do like them, I even tape the episodes if I know I am going to miss them. Maybe it is strange, but if feels, well comforting to have something that is different from the norm. In a way it is like a little rebellion against yourself.

Not Invited

The other night, I was taking to a friend, "Maddy" when someone else I know, "Mindy" came up. The entire time she just spoke directly to Maddy and said that there was going to be a party today.

Well today is here, and Maddy just called and asked if I was going. I said no because I wasn't invited. She then said that she thought I was because I was there when Mindy asked and she said that she would call to find out. I said no, and that I had other plans, which is a lie, because I am doing nothing.

Maybe I am wrong here, but I am of the impression that unless you are invited to an event you don't just crash it assuming you were. I've always been like that, and since I wasn't asked if I to go, I assumed that I wasn't invited.

Does it suck, yes, I am sitting here doing nothing while others are out having fun. Maybe it is my pride getting in the way, I could find out if I was invited, but if I wasn't, then what, i would look like some loser. Sure I may get invited but then it would just be out of awkwardness, or pity, and I would just end up being the butt if jokes behind my back. I don;t want anyones pity, I want people to want me around because they really want me to. Maybe that means I miss out, but I still have my dignity, besides, if they don't want me there, I'm not missing anything, right?

Run Into The Dark

Running, running in the cold blackness of night to a destination that doesn't exist. Anger and fear are my fuel, pushing me farther and farther. Damn the pain. I curse it as my lungs expload, as my legs burn and my mind splinters into millions of glowing shards. I see only what is directly in front, and even that is a hazed over representation of reality. The world flies by until it is all a blur. Through it all, the pain, the cold, the dark, the nothingness that is in my head, there comes one moment. A moment of intense light, and in that light peace. The reason for this ordeal is forgoten, the problems melt away. The world itself is no more, or maybe it is I who no longer exist. It does not matter, for the moment itself is all that does. The moment passes, I fall back to earth, what was nothing now morphs into the corperal world. All that was gone is now back, and I am left alone, cold, soaked in sweat, and burning from the pain. I am left to find my way back in the dark.

Identifying With The Enemy

I remember back in high school we did a lot of Shakespeare in English class. We did Othello one year and we had to write a literary essay on it. I took a very different approach to the whole subject. Most people would say that Othello was the tragic hero whereas Iago was the antagonist. I, on the other hand, wrote that it was Iago that was the hero, and Othello was the true villain. I'm not going to go into the thesis now, but it does illustrate a point. I have always had the tendency to understand, pity, even like the so called "villain".

True this may seem like an odd way of looking at things, and you would be right, the bad guy is supposed to be loathed, hated. It is the hero that we should identify with. And yet, at least to me I find it hard to do.

When you boil down a character to its essence, when you look at their qualities, their motivations, their thinking process, their dreams, the villain is, well, more real, more human then the hero. I guess it is because we, I, can see myself in them. I find myself commiserating with such characters because I can see myself in their shoes, I understand what drives them because their motives are essentially human.

It's not that I root for the bad guys to win, for evil to triumph over good. Rather it is the opposite. It is just that I have this desire for the villain to achieve redemption. A silly Idea, I know, but those villains are just like me.

The Downhill Regatta

Yesterday we had the 8th annual downhill regatta. Usually boating and snow don't mix, but we found a way. A few years ago a bunch of us decided that we wanted to do some snowboarding. Of course at the time none of us were any good so we didn't want to spend money to go to a ski resort until we had a little practice. There is this conservation park not to far from where I used to live. In it there is a rather large bowl shaped depression, I think it used to be a lake or something but it is pretty deep, and some areas are quite steep. All in all it is a pretty good place to do some snowboarding. Well we spent the whole day there. Late at night one of the guys went into the bush to take a piss, and he found an old aluminum row boat. Well when we saw it we had the bright idea to drag it to the top of the hill and bobsled it down. Because the top of the depression is flat for a long ways we brought the boat to the steepest and longest drop, put it about 20 m back and all 16 of us grabs an edge, pushes the boat at top speed and jumps in. It is tremendous fun.

I guess over time it has now become a yearly tradition. We all pick a date when there is enough snow, and we go boarding. It has become a big event, now, we bring along a few cases of beer, a little BBQ and some steaks. And of course we bring along the boat.

The best story happened about 4 years ago. We were all there and "Dan" brought along some inner tubes. Some one had the bright idea of building ramps and jumping the tubes over them. It was fun albeit dangerous. When Dan went down he flipped off the tube and hit his head against the ground, and just laid there. We went to check. He didn't remember what happened. So we told him he fell and hit his head. Since he had bit his lip and it was bleeding I told him to eat some snow. My brother joked that he should find some yellow snow. 5 minutes later he again asked what happened. then he asked why his lip was bleeding and if he ate yellow snow. 5 minutes later the same thing. After the third or 4th time we got worried and brought him to the hospital. He had got a concussion. By the time we got out of the hospital it was about midnight. And Dan asked where we were going, we said we were going to bring him home, and he said, "we haven't been down with the boat yet, one little concussion isn't going to break this tradition!" So we went back and did it.

Theres been a lot of memories over this little silly tradition of ours. But you know what? I wouldn't miss it for the world.